I was just thinking to myself the other day… “Gee I haven’t had a travel agency commercial for a while” and within twenty minutes a rep came in with a copy brief in their hands for a new travel agency… spooky???
Right so let’s get started with the brief… it says “tired of the hustle and bustle of life? get away from it all with XYZ Travel”; “Call us to book an appointment on <NUMBER HERE>”; “Want to push the Ocean Cruises with <COMPANY NAME>”; “Do the best you can in 30 seconds, if you get stuck call the client, because I’m off on holidays!!!”
Riiiigggght!
Well believe it or not that’s enough detail to get started and I think I can hear an idea for a script in my head, so I’m not going to waste any time at all and just jump straight in.
“You’re either here…” ((SFX: TRAFFIC JAM HORNS BLASTING/ENGINES)) “…or here…” ((SFX: OFFICE PHONES RINGING, MESSAGES PINGING, PEOPLE TALKING/SHOUTING)) “…or here…” ((SFX: BABY CRYING, KIDS SCREAMING)) “…that means that you are not… ((PAUSE)) …here” ((SFX: RELAXING MUSIC, CHAMPAGNE CORKS POPPING, GENTLE LAUGHTER IN THE BACKGROUND AND SHIPS HORN OFF IN THE DISTANCE)) “…but you could be!” ((MUSIC UP))
Now that, if I have to say so myself is a great start, we don’t say ‘hustle and bustle’ but get the image across quite well, I might just time that out and see how long that would run with just very basic sound effects… it’s roughly 20 seconds… oooops! Too long.
So, let’s cut back drop the “…or here…” ((SFX: OFFICE PHONES RINGING, MESSAGES PINGING, PEOPLE TALKING/SHOUTING)) that gives me back 5 seconds.
So now it runs a very rough 15 seconds. We might trim it more, but let’s now look at the other details we MUST include. The business name and a contact number… oh joy! hat’s 3 words for the business name and 9 words for the contact phone number. Let me fix that as I call the client and explain why phone numbers don’t work in radio ads and instead suggest we have a special landing page on their website.
Please hold… ((5 mins later)) …Success!!! So now we must mention the business website name and “Slash radio”. Excellent!
Now – the other details they wanted included…
“You’re either here…” ((SFX: TRAFFIC JAM HORNS BLASTING/ENGINES)) “…or here…” ((SFX: BABY CRYING, KIDS SCREAMING)) “…that means that you are not… ((PAUSE)) …here” ((SFX: RELAXING MUSIC, CHAMPAGNE CORKS POPPING, GENTLE LAUGHTER IN THE BACKGROUND AND SHIPS HORN OFF IN THE DISTANCE)) “…but you could be!” ((MUSIC UP))
…DETAILS TO ADD IN…
“See ‘<BUSINESS NAME HERE> slash radio’ for details on this exclusive radio only offer.”
That last line is too long at 14 words – I will trim it now to:
“See ‘<BUSINESS NAME HERE> slash radio’ for this exclusive offer”.
That’s better, 10 words now.
Giving me an approximate 7 seconds to fill with the offer in the 30 sec script. OUCH!
Okay, I will put those details in now and might have to edit some more.
So, the offer is: “10-day super cruise around the coast to Sydney, staying in absolute comfort, and access to all ships amenities, flying back in business class” …and that’s almost 7 seconds – YAY!
Let me put all of that together in script format:
“You’re either here…”
((SFX: TRAFFIC JAM HORNS BLASTING/ENGINES))
“…or here…”
((SFX: BABY CRYING, KIDS SCREAMING))
“…that means that you are not… ((PAUSE)) …here”
((SFX: RELAXING MUSIC, CHAMPAGNE CORKS POPPING, GENTLE LAUGHTER IN THE BACKGROUND AND SHIPS HORN OFF IN THE DISTANCE))
“…but you could be!”
((MUSIC UP))
“10 day super cruise around the coast to Sydney, staying in absolute comfort, and access to all ships amenities, flying back in business class”
“See ‘<BUSINESS NAME HERE> slash radio’ for this exclusive offer”
Almost 53 words with around 8 seconds of sound effects. I might be able to squeeze in the business name and tag line at the end – but I don’t like my chances – let’s see how it times out:
“See ‘<BUSINESS NAME HERE> slash radio’ for this exclusive offer. Dreams come true with <BUSINESS NAME>”
That’s an extra 6 words, bringing us up to 59 + 8 seconds of sound effects – I don’t know – it sounds like in 30 seconds it’s going to be tight.
I’ll just take another swing at the opener and check that I haven’t missed anything, and see what I can cut out:
“You’re either here…”
((SFX: TRAFFIC JAM HORNS BLASTING))
“…or here…”
((SFX: BABY CRYING, KIDS SCREAMING))
“…that means you’re missing out on…”
((SFX: RELAXING MUSIC, CHAMPAGNE CORKS POPPING, GENTLE LAUGHTER, FAST POOL SPLASH, SHIPS HORN IN THE DISTANCE))
((SAME MUSIC NOW UP THEN UNDER))
“10 day super cruise on the <OCEAN CRUISE NAME> to Sydney, in absolute comfort, with all ships amenities access, and flying back in business class”
“See ‘<BUSINESS NAME HERE> slash radio’ for this exclusive offer. Dreams come true with <BUSINESS NAME>”
That’s 52 words and some minor sound effect changes to 7 seconds – bringing us in at 30 seconds!
Alright!
Now let’s just double check I have done everything in the Copy Brief.
“Tired of the hustle and bustle of life? get away from it all with XYZ Travel”; CHECK
“Call us to book an appointment on <NUMBER HERE>”; CHANGED TO WEBSITE
“Want to push the Ocean Cruises with <COMPANY NAME>”; AND CHECK!
I will record a rough demo of the script read and send it to the client with the script, explaining that it needs sound effects added in (I ended up performing those SFX myself – they sounded bad, but gave the client a laugh, and drove the point home about the amount of time they take up).
Were there any changes? Yes. The client couldn’t add in the extra RADIO page to their website – so they put it on the landing page. So that worked out well, giving us 2 extra words back! Fantastic!
And for the record, the client’s web traffic went up by 300 hits the first day the campaign started on-air. They sold out their allotted cabins (1 whole deck on the cruise ship) within 5 days, and although the campaign was due to run 2 weeks, it only ran one – but the client instead used the remaining spots on a different ad to push another product – so we did that too.
Amazing – and the sales rep… they came back with sunburn and a rash!
This is the final post for LETS WRITE AN AD on this Blog – thanks for reading everyone. Stay tuned for more downloads and resources when we return at the end of next month with a new look site.
Earl.P.
